How can I tell my 14 yr old to stay away from her dad?

My 14 year old loves her dad.


I wont allow her to see him.


He does drugs (cocaine) and shes even told me that he's done it and sold it in front of her. He's also a crook. He stole the $8.00 her Aunt gave her out of her Easter card years ago. He took a collection up for my son who died (not his child, and SIDS) and kept all fo the money. He pays Zero child support for her and her sister, as he does not work.


But she defends her dad tooth and nail. Her claws and fangs come out if anyone even mentions his name. I am taking him to court for back support cuz he hasnt paid in so long, and he showed her the court papers. (I show her and tellher nothing.)


How can I protect this child from undue harm if she is so defensive of him? She tells me she hates me for not liking her dad, she's going to kill me, blah blah blha...


She refuses to go see a counseler.


I am (almost) at my witts end. He is such a "bad boy" and can seriously do harm to her life.

How can I tell my 14 yr old to stay away from her dad?
She needs help and you'll not be able to provide it yourself. Get her to a skilled counselor. If you have something called a children's home in the area (they are no longer homes but are "repair stations" where children such as your daughter can go to learn new ways of dealing with life) talk with the admitting office there. (Just call and ask to talk with whoever admits kids.) They will be able to advise you.


Your daughter, at some level knows, but does not want to understand the peril in which her dad puts her. Kids don't yet recognize the consequences of actions. That may be because the absent parent if often idolized irrationally in the case of separation.
Reply:that's a tough one....i think when she gets older she may realize why you kept her away....maybe you could get her into a hobby...my niece was the same way not to long ago... and I asked her " if you were a mommy what would you do to protect your baby from hurt?" she did some thinking and she is now coming around....her dad is the same way, and she acted the same way..my sister got her into some sports and other activities, she is making new friends and all is good, so far...


children usually need someone to blame..give it a couple years and she will come around..GOOD LUCK..:-)
Reply:Too bad you never knew what kind of person this man was before you made this bad choice, but he is her father and that is forever. He is nothing to you. You must allow your daughter to see him. If you don't, the resentment will come back and affect your relationship with her. Be sure to keep the communication channels open. Talk to your ex and if he continues his destructive behaviour then see what legal options you have. Maybe think about Counselling for him if he is willing (But not likely). Definitely counselling would help your daughter, but it will be difficult.
Reply:Wow that's a tough one. Maybe you should start by telling her some of the things that you would prefer not to tell her. Just explain to her that you fear for her safety and that the only reason you are doing this is because you love her. I'm sure that her father loves her as well but people with drug habits are so into their drug that they don't see they are hurting the loved ones around them. She is 14 years old and not an adult yet so you still have the control here. Don't let her have the control and keep on threatening you. Make her go and see a counsellor, don't give her that choice. Remember that you do what you see and if she sees her Dad doing drugs etc, she may eventually learn to think that it is ok for her to do it as well. Be careful and best of luck.
Reply:unfortunatley, curbing the love and fierce loyalty your daughter has for her wayward father will be next to impossible. He will definately influence her in negative ways, because his ways are appealing to a teenager. I wouldn't be surprised if she starts emulating his behavior and getting herself in all kinds of trouble. The only solution that I see for this problem is to move far enough away from him so that she cannot see him. It sounds like your daughter is in for some big time hurt by her dad somewhere down the line that will maybe open her eyes to the kind of man he really is. Good luck.
Reply:Well you are her MOTHER force her to see a counselor. You have the right. She needs to know what her fathers like otherwise she'll end up hurt.





Show her the court papers tell her the truth, she may not like it but fact of the matter is she'll like it a lot less when her imaginary world comes crashing down around her when he does actually hurt her. So you might as well let her know the truth.





I'd talk to a therapist or doctor on how to make her see the truth, maybe talk to other drug addicts in rehab or that have cleaned up. Let them tell her what her father is like or will be like. The harm he is doing and will do.





I know you realize this situation could be dangerous and I think you should get a restraining order for you and your daughter or if possible supervised visits. People on cocaine tend to get violent or at least my father did with me.





You can't force her to accept the truth but one day she will thank you for what you need to do.. It may not be any time soon but one day she'll realize
Reply:Is there a way for her to have supervised visits with her father? I believe you are attempting to protect her, but your efforts set you up as the "bad guy" in this. In addition, all kids do need to know both parents, warts, drugs, crookedness, and all. She doesn't need to hang out with him, but she does need to be able to have some kind of visitation with him. She's behaving the way every kid does when one parent blocks their knowledge and contact with the other. She needs to understand that your "not liking" her dad is not the reason you have not allowed her to see him. Unless it really is the reason, which is bad on you. Kids develop their self concept from their parents, regardless of who they are, and you are fighting her desire to know half of the source of that self concept, which is her father. My concern would be that if you don't figure out a way to have safe %26amp; supervised visits between them, in a few years she will be old enough to drive and will go hang out with him. You have a very small remaining window of time to get some loving balance injected into the triangle here between you, her, and the man with whom you did create her. If she won't go to counseling, then you should, just to get some outside perspective and support. She will not go if the idea behind your suggestion is clearly "we need to fix you, we are going to gang up and fix you". Even better would be if the two of you went for family counseling %26amp; mediation over this. It has the potential to destroy your relationship with her, beyond the rebellion of the teenage years right now, and the potential to push her to spend more time with dad when she can do it on her own. Right now you could satisfy the curiosity with supervised visits.